Sad and Lonely Long Enough
by Kat-of-the-Streets
Summary: Tom and Mary and their insecurities about falling in love again. One shot.


AN: This is another story that has been sitting on my computer for a rather long time and I am still not sure if it really should be published but I wanted to hear what you think anyway. So thank you once again.

Kat

P.S.: I know this is extremely unrealistic which is why I am so unsure about it.

* * *

"So have you made up your mind yet?"

"About what?"

"Whom you are going to marry. Charles Blake or Lord Gillingham."

"I have made up my mind about them, yes."

"Mary, don't be so secretive."

"I won't marry either one of them."

"So is it Evelyn Napier then?"

"No."

"But you are in love."

"I love Matthew."

"I know you do. I love Sybil. But that doesn't mean that I can't be in love with someone else."

"Are you?"

"I'll tell you when you tell me."

"Oh dear."

"So you are in love."

"It feels so wrong. It feels like betraying Matthew."

"I know. But neither Matthew nor Sybil would want us to be lonely and sad for the rest of our lives."

"I suppose not. But Matthew was the love of my life, or so I thought. And now there is someone else and it feels so unreal and I don't know whether I should give into this."

"What's the worst that could happen?"

"He could not want me."

"Then that is his loss."

"Do you really think so?"

"Yes."

"I'm afraid to forget Matthew."

"You won't forget him."

"If I were to marry another man, that man would be George's father. Stepfather really, but what is the difference when he is still so small? Aren't I taking George away from Matthew and stealing Matthew from George? He must know about his father, must know what a wonderful, wonderful man he was."

"We will make sure of that. You and I. Just as we will make sure that Sybbie will know about her mother. Even if I am in love with someone else."

"So you are in love."

"I think so."

"With whom?"

"That is not important because it will come to nothing."

"How do you know that?"

"She's in love with someone else."

"We are in the same boat then, you and I. Again. We both lose the loves of our lives the day our children are born and then when we finally fall in love again, we fall for people who love someone else."

"How do you know your beau is in love with someone else?"

"Because he told me."

"That is sad."

"Yes, because I think he would have been a very good father to George."

"Is that what you are looking for in a man? That he would be a good father to George?"

"It is certainly not the only thing but it is important. Don't you think about that? When you think about women you might love? Whether they would be a good mother for Sybbie?"

"I do think about that."

"Then what about your hopeless love? Do you think she could be a good mother?"

"Yes. She is a good mother."

"Jolly. We are very alike. We've not only fallen in love with people who don't love us, we've both fallen in love with someone with a child."

"Mary, have you ever considered telling him that you love him?"

"No. Because it wouldn't change anything. Or it would probably change things but not for the better. And besides, this is a man I shouldn't think of anyway."

"Why not?"

"Because I would not only be betraying Matthew. Or feel as if I were betraying him. I'd be betraying someone else as well."

"Who?"

"I can't tell you."

"Who?"

"No. Let go of my arm."

"I won't until you tell me."

"I can't Tom, I can't."

"Mary, please, tell me."

"I can't."

"Why?"

"Because it would make things between us impossibly difficult. We've created the illusion of a family for our children. As long as we remain friends they both have a mother and a father, in a way at least. But if I tell you, that will stop, I know."

"Mary, who is the other person you'd feel you'd be betraying?"

"Don't be so rough Tom."

"I'm sorry. But Mary, tell me, please."

"Why do you want to know this so badly?"

"Because, because, if that person was Sybil, then"

"Then what?"

"Then the illusion of a family we've created for our children wouldn't have to be an illusion any longer."

"What are you saying Tom?"

"I, I"

"Tom, please. Tell me what you mean."

"I think you know what I mean."

"I need to hear it Tom, I need to hear it from you."

"Mary, the person I am in love with is you. I know this is impossible, because you are my dead wife's sister and my dead best friend's widow. But if there is any chance, and I think there is, that you might feel the same about me, then, then"

"You think we should act on it then."

"Yes. Those are feelings beyond our control. But if we feel the same, what would be the sense in both of us being unhappy alone if we could be happy together? I promise I would never let George forget about Matthew. And I know you'd never let Sybbie forget about Sybil."

"I wouldn't. I loved my sister very much. And I see her in her daughter every day."

"You really think I'd be a good father to the future Earl of Grantham?"

"Yes. Because you already are."

"Imagine that. I used to drive your father around, now I will be the father of his heir."

"I haven't said yes yet."

"I haven't asked you yet."

"Then ask me."

"Will you marry me?"

"Yes."

"When?"

"Soon. Let's not waste any more time. We've been sad and lonely long enough."

"When should we tell the children?"

"They are two and three."

"I know that. We still have to tell them."

"Tomorrow. I must tell my parents first and I must do it alone. I'll go to them tonight."

"Good luck."

"Do you think I need it?"

"I don't know. I hope not."

"My parents like you very much."

"Let's hope so."

"Tom, as much as I would like to stay out here with you, I think we have to go inside. The dressing gong is about to ring and Granny and Isobel are coming over for dinner, so we must not be late."

"All right darling."

"Tom, no. Don't call me that. Matthew used to call me that and"

"You don't have to explain. I'll think of something else."

"Thank you."

"Who is it?"

"Mary."

"That child has knack for interrupting things."

"Robert."

"Let's pretend we aren't in here."

"No. Robert, stop. Mary, come in."

"You are unbelievable."

"Can I talk to you? Both of you?"

"Apparently, yes." Her father looks rather disgruntled and she wonders if she should leave.

"Robert", her mother sighs. "Of course you can talk to us. You always can."

"Darling, I think we should talk about that 'always' part."

"Robert", her mother says again and slaps her father on the arm. She sees the smiles in both their eyes and thinks that maybe she should have listened at the door before knocking.

"I hope I haven't interrupted anything", she says. Her mother says "No, of course not", while her father says "yes you have". She has to laugh about this.

"Robert", her mother says exasperatedly for the third time.

"What? She's been married. She knows what we do"

"Papa please. I do not want to hear this. And everybody knows what you do. You aren't exactly secretive about it. You have never been."

"Mary, you came here to talk about something." Clearly her mother is the one who is more uncomfortable about this and this surprises her because it used to be her father who would avoid certain subjects like the plague.

"I came to tell you that I am getting married again."

"That is good news."

"Cora, she hasn't told us to whom yet."

"To whom?"

"Now, this is the difficult part. Please hear me out because you might not like this."

"That worries me."

"Robert, be quiet."

"Before I say who it is I want to make sure that you know that this is a love match. We are in love with each other, I think we've been for some time and just didn't realize it."

Her parents are looking at each other when she says this and there is so much love between them that she almost starts to cry.

"But we talked about it today and he proposed and I accepted."

"How did he propose?"

"Cora, she hasn't told us who proposed yet and you want to know how he did it."

"Oh hush, darling. After that speech we both know that it is Tom."

"Let's hope so. Is it Tom?"

"Yes. Yes, it is Tom."

"Good."

"Is that all you have to say Papa?"

"No. Mary, I am happy for both you and Tom. And I wish you all the luck in the world."

"You don't mind that I am about to marry the chauffeur."

"You are marrying the agent of this estate. That is different and Mary, after everything that this family has been through all I want for my daughters is to be happy. If Tom is who will make you happy then I am happy."

"He was my dead sister's husband. Can I steal Sybil's husband from her while she is rotting in her grave?"

"Mary, don't speak like that, don't ever speak like that again."

"I am sorry Mama, I really am. I won't, I promise. I'm just so confused."

"I know you are confused. You loved Matthew so much. And Tom loved Sybil just as much. But neither Matthew nor Sybil would want you to be alone. And if you had asked Matthew whom he would want to be the father to his son should he die, I am sure he would have said Tom. And Sybil would have wanted you to be a mother to her daughter. I am sure of that too. You are about to marry a very good man who obviously loves you very much. You are probably the only one who didn't realize how Tom has looked at you for the past few months, how jealous he got whenever Charles or Tony were mentioned or much worse came to visit. I think he has been fighting with himself for some time about whether he should tell you how he feels and both your father and I are glad that he has finally done so. Because you love him too."

She has noticed how her father took her mother's hand when she began to speak and it makes her cry. Her father let's go of her mother, walks towards her and hugs her.

"Don't cry child. Or maybe do. If it helps you."

"I still miss Matthew. I wouldn't love Tom if Matthew hadn't died."

"No. And he wouldn't love you if Sybil hadn't died. But they both did and as much as it hurts us, we have to accept it. Neither you nor Tom should spend the rest of your life in mourning. Think about your children. They will have a wonderful childhood with their parents happily married and in love."

"Parents happily married and in love are a wonderful thing Papa, but we aren't their parents, are we? Not really."

"That depends on you. I think that you already are. And you and Tom being the parents of George and Sybbie does not mean that you will let them forget about the parents they have lost."

"We wouldn't."

"Mary, neither your mother or I can really give you any advice on this but we think that you and Tom would be very happy."

"You certainly know about a happy marriage."

"Yes, we do." Although her face is still pressed into her father's shoulder and she can't see anything she knows that her parents are smiling at each other now.

"Thank you. Both of you." She gives her father a fleeting kiss on the cheek and moves away from him. "Papa, can I ask you a favor?"

"Of course."

"Would you talk to Tom tomorrow? Because I think he is a little afraid of what you might say."

"I will. I'll talk to him at breakfast, before we go out on the estate. Maybe you shouldn't have breakfast downstairs tomorrow."

"Come in here Mary, have breakfast with me if you don't want to be by yourself."

"Thank you Mama. I will." She kisses her mother too and makes to leave. "Good night."

When their daughter closes the door behind her she gets up, walks towards her husband and puts her arms around his neck. "Robert Crawley, you are a wonderful, wonderful man" she says and kisses him. She can feel him smile and looks into his eyes.

"I love you. What you have said to Mary, I don't even have words for it."

"I only told her what I thought was right."

"You have taken a huge burden of her shoulders."

"I'm glad if I did. Now let's get back to where we were before she came in here."

"Oh hello Tom. You are up early."

"Yes. And I think you know why."

"I do. Mary told us last night. Tom, we are very happy for you and Mary."

"You are?"

"Yes. Tom, you have been in love with Mary for months now."

"Was it that obvious?"

"Obvious to people who know you very well and who care about you."

"Isn't it wrong? I keep thinking that I am stealing my best friend's wife to cheat on my own wife with her. And to make it even more wrong those women are sisters."

"It seems strange, yes. But both your best friend and your first wife are dead. There is nothing that will ever bring them back. And if Mary and you can be happy together, provide a happy family for your children, then there is nothing wrong about that."

"You were so mad when Sybil told you she would marry me."

"That was different. I didn't really know you then. And I was very disappointed in you because I had always thought you to be a decent man. Which of course you are, you are a very decent man, but I think differently of you now."

"I am not your chauffeur anymore."

"No. You are the agent of this estate, a very good one I might add, you are a wonderful father to my granddaughter and you will be a very good husband for Mary and wonderful father for her son."

"Your former chauffeur will be the stepfather of your heir."

"I think you will be more than that to him. You already are. And you are not my former chauffeur. I mean of course you are but you are much more than that. Tom, it is really hard for me to say this and I had hoped you knew without me putting this into words but I don't think you do and I never told Matthew this and I wish I had and now that I have the chance I should just tell you. Tom, you are like a son to me. I love you as much as the girls. And all I want for you is to be happy."

Tom and he just look at each other for a while. Eventually Tom takes a deep breath and says "Thank you for telling me that. I didn't know that. But it makes me very happy. And I will do my best to make Mary happy. I promise."

"That is all I can ask of you." Tom starts to cry now and he knows that this is highly inappropriate but he also knows that Tom needs some sort of comfort now so he hugs him the same way he hugged Mary last night. And just like Mary, Tom cries himself out on his shoulder. Eventually Tom moves away again and says

"Matthew knew."

"What?"

"Matthew knew how you felt about him. We talked about it once. He was exasperated about something you had said to him, I think you two had ended up in a shouting match. Matthew said 'He wouldn't talk to me like that if he wasn't my father. He'd be much friendlier if I wasn't his son.' I told him to be happy about you yelling at him then and he said that he was."

"That's a nice story."

"Yes."

"I might lose my temper with you in the future."

"I know. As long as it doesn't happen too often and I am allowed to yell back, I wouldn't mind."

"We are on the same page then."

"We are also rather late."

"Then let's go."

"Come in"

"Mama, I am so sorry about interrupting last night. I should have listened at the door before knocking."

"Your father exaggerated a little. He had been in here for less than five minutes when you knocked on the door. So don't worry."

"I've already told Anna to bring our breakfast in here."

"Thank you."

"Mama, I think I want a different room. I can't be with Tom in the room that used to belong to Matthew and me."

"We have rooms enough. Just pick a few rooms you both like. We can move the nursery to a different room too, so it really is your choice."

"Thank you."

"Have you talked about the wedding yet?"

"Yes. Last night after I talked to you and Papa. We want it to be a really small affair. We thought that maybe we could ask the registrar to come here and do it in the garden."

"That's a lovely idea. Very American, I must say."

"I don't want to be walked down the aisle. I'll have to tell Papa but I am sure that he'll understand."

"He will, don't worry."

"I won't wear a wedding dress either. I'll get a nice dress, maybe even in white, but not an actual wedding dress."

"It's your decision, but it makes sense."

"We've also talked about the guest list and it won't be a society wedding."

"Who would you like to be there?"

"Well, you and Papa obviously and George and Sybbie of course. And then Edith, Granny, Aunt Rosamund, Rose, and Isobel if she is willing to come, but I think she will be. Tom will ask Kiernan but we aren't sure he'll come. And we'd also like Carson, Mrs Hughes and Anna and then of course Bates too as our guests. We thought we'd have a little party in the garden after the ceremony. Nothing grand. A little food, a little music, that's it."

"So it will be a wedding attended only by family and close friends."

"Yes."

"That's a lovely idea. You will have your work cut out though with convincing Carson to really attend only as a guest. But he might actually do it for you."

"Tom, there you are."

"Yes, here I am."

"I was looking for you. Where were you?"

"I was out on the estate with your father. Where did you think I'd been?"

"I have no idea. But we've returned from the honeymoon only yesterday and I was surprised he'd make you work again today."

"He didn't make me work. He asked me for help. That's different."

"If you say so."

"I do. And you were gone most of the morning too."

"Well, I had to go the doctor."

"Why? Are you sick?"

"No.

"Pregnant?"

"Yes."

"I was making a joke."

"It was either a very good one or a very bad one then."

"That was quick."

"Well, we didn't exactly wait until the wedding night, did we?"

"No. I seem to remember you coming to my room well before our wedding."

"Are you happy?"

He has to swallow. Not because he isn't happy but because he didn't expect this. Having a baby together makes everything so much more real for him. In a way it seals the deal, if not on their marriage then on him and Mary being the parents of the same children. A wonderful thought.

"Yes. I am very happy, Mary."

"So am I."


End file.
